REBUILDING MY MOTIVATION, SLOWLY
On rereading Atomic Habits for the seventh time and starting over
Years ago I was full of motivation. I was running more than 50 miles a week. Lifting weights two or three times a week. Reading over 100 books a year. Journaling daily. Eating a consistent diet. Weighing myself daily. Most importantly, I was happy. I felt strong, fast, looked and felt the best I had in years. I felt invincible.
Then something happened, like air leaking out of a balloon. Slowly at first, then all at once.
It started with parental leave, after my daughter was born. Then going back to work while I was working out of my parents’ place, my whole schedule upended. I tried to hold onto running — ungodly hours in the morning at first, then evenings, then skipping, then just stopping. I told myself I’d get back to it when things went back to normal.
Normal never came back.
That led to a vicious cycle. I was unhappy because I wasn’t doing the things that I thought made me, me. Then when I went back to those things, they’d changed, or gotten harder, and that made me unhappy too.
I hadn’t stepped on a scale in months. But I’d started buying clothes in sizes I hadn’t worn in years. A little over two weeks ago, I finally decided to put data to my current self and get on the scale.
I went for a run. I did three strength sessions. I reread Atomic Habits by James Clear — my seventh time through that book. The motivation is slowly building again, and it feels great.
I used to think I could just go back to being the person I was a few years ago — just go out and run ten miles. That’s not how it works.
I’m starting over. Run-walk intervals, like the Couch to 5K program that got me started in running. Rereading Atomic Habits for the seventh time, there’s not really anything specific that hit different — more just getting back to basics on how to build a habit. How to make it small. How to adjust so you don’t log a zero for the day. If I can’t get the full workout in, ten push-ups and I check the box.
The hardest part used to be missing a workout and then trying to make up for it — cramming yesterday’s missed session in on top of today’s. Now if I miss one, I miss it. I do today’s and keep moving forward.
My kids, my wife, my family come first. Right now my goals are simple: keep trying and staying focused on progress over perfection.
Most important, I’m trying to be happy with where I am. Instead of comparing myself to the person I was a few years ago, I’m proud of what I can do today.
Maybe one day I’ll get back to a half marathon, or a marathon. Right now, I am a dad and husband trying to live a long, happy, and mostly healthy life.